Funny Quotes From Famous People

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
Joan Rivers

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Isaac Asimov

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
Elbert Hubbard

You can always tell when a man's well informed. His views are pretty much like your own.
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Never have more children than you have car windows.
Erma Bombeck

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
Frank Lloyd Wright

He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow.
George Eliot

Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.
Josh Billings

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Walt Disney

I never said most of the things I said.
Yogi Berra

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. Fields

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
Robin Williams

I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.
Robin Williams

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
George Carlin

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Joan Rivers

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
Steven Wright

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
George Bernard Shaw

It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.
Thomas Sowell

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.
Abraham Lincoln

Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement.
Ronald Reagan

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Albert Einstein

The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.
Mark Twain

The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.
Thomas A. Edison

If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.
Theodore Roosevelt

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
Winston Churchill

There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.
Josh Billings

If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat!
Demetri Martin

It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.
Arthur C. Clarke

Never fight an inanimate object.
P. J. O'Rourke

We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know.
W. H. Auden

Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
Abraham Lincoln

Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.
Josh Billings

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
Phyllis Diller

See also


Reading the sayings of wise people is one of the easiest ways to gain invaluable experience of a person who knows the answer to a question that concerns you or has been in a similar situation. In all ages, people have been overcome by doubts, fears, and base feelings, which they have not always had the wisdom and philosophical attitude to life to fight. That is why smart thoughts will never lose their relevance. See this for yourself by reading, for example, the sayings of Omar Khayyam or William Shakespeare.

Human problems are as old as this world. You can be absolutely sure that the difficulties that you face during your life, millions of people have already experienced before, and will experience more than once in the future. That is why wise quotes evoke such a lively response in the hearts of those who read them; they allow you to better know other people and yourself as a part of this world.

Instructive quotes from great people can be quite equated with a visit to a psychologist, because sometimes a valuable advice received in time or a new point of view makes you look at the problem differently, gives you confidence in your abilities to overcome life's difficulties.

Read instructive quotes from famous people on our website, get a powerful boost of motivation and be inspired to new achievements!