In the entire state of Ohio in 1895, there were only two cars on the road, and the drivers of these two cars crashed into each other.
Notorious pirate hunter Benjamin Hornigold once attacked a ship just to steal all of the crew member’s hats. His men had gotten drunk and lost their hats during a party the night before and they decided to board a ship to get replacements.
Early in the Spanish Civil War, there was a Nationalist garrison under siege. Having local air superiority, Nationalists decided to airdrop supplies. The humor comes from their chosen method of making sure the packages got to the ground without being damaged. They didn't use a parachute, but instead, they strapped a turkey to each package. It couldn’t carry the load, but it could slow it a bit on the way down and unlike a parachute, you can eat a turkey.
One day Alexander the Great asked the philosopher Diogenes why he was sifting through the garbage, Diogenes responded, “I am looking for the bones of your father but I cannot distinguish them from the bones of his slaves.” Another time, Alexander asked Diogenes, if there was something he could do for him. Diogenes replied, “yes, get out of my sun”. Once when Plato defined humans as “featherless bipeds,” Diogenes brought a featherless chicken into Plato’s classroom, saying “Behold! I've brought you a man!” Alexander once told Diogenes that if he were not Alexander the Great, he would want to be Diogenes. Diogenes replied, “If I were not me, I too would want to be Diogenes.”
In the late 1700s, a letter appeared in major London newspaper complaining that England was being forced to take deported Prussian prisoners. The British were furious and wanted it stopped. The Prussians became upset because the uproar implied that England was too good for Prussian prisoners. Both governments became involved, and they were on the brink of war before it all unraveled as a hoax. The original letter, it was learned years later, had been written by Benjamin Franklin, who was spending six months in England as an ambassador and was simply bored, just stirring up trouble and sitting back and watching.
Daniel Steibelt, a top pianist in his own right once challenged his contemporary Beethoven to a musical improv duel. Steibelt did believe he had a shot. He was no kid, and had already composed for Marie Antoinette and operatized a successful version of Romeo and Juliet. He showed up to the improv and played one of his own works, for which he’d brought the sheet music. Once it was his turn, Beethoven turned the sheet music upside down and beautifully screwed the piece sideways and backward, overturning Steibelt's style all the while like a cat teasing a particularly boring mouse. No one ever challenged Beethoven to a musical improv again, least of all Steibelt, who never again set foot in Vienna.
During Liechtenstein’s last military engagement in 1886, none of the 80 soldiers sent were injured, and 81 returned, including a new Italian 'friend' they made along the way.
During the Battle of Drepana of 249 B.C., Romans were attempting to take out the Carthaginian naval forces that broke a siege. Roman had “sacred chickens” to determine when the gods favored them. They threw the Chickens some grain, and if they ate, they attacked. Anyway, the commander at Drepana decides to attack, so the Roman commander brings out the chickens and tosses them some grains. The chickens ignore the grain. They don't even touch it. This is not a good omen. His sailors start to freak out. But he’s determined to attack so he tosses the chickens overboard and says “Let them drink if they don't want to eat!” It does not go down well with his forces but Romans are disciplined so they do as commanded. Romans ended up getting thoroughly trashed by the Carthaginians in the battle.
The first “Mooning” in recorded history was 66 A.D., where a Roman soldier mooned Jewish pilgrims on their way to Jerusalem. This caused a riot, an over-response by the Roman military, and the death of thousands.
In 1847, Robert Liston performed an amputation in 25 seconds, operating so quickly that he accidentally amputated his assistant's fingers as well. Both patient and assistant later died of sepsis, and a spectator reportedly died of shock, resulting in the only known surgical procedure with a 300% mortality rate.
When members of the Third Estate stormed the Bastille and kick-started the French Revolution, the infamous fortress and prison held just 7 old men captive, none of them political prisoners. They were the only ones in there at the time and one of them was a drunk, lunatic Irish guy named Whyte de Malleville who had no idea what was going on.
A Greek philosopher named Chrysippus died of laughter after getting his donkey drunk and watching it try to eat figs. He was regarded as being stoic most of the time, yet he died of laughter.
The only war fought between humans and animals was the Australian military vs Emus. In 1932, the Australian military started “The Great Emu War” where they tried to cull emus with machine guns. Six days after the first engagement, 2,500 rounds of ammunition had been fired and no emu was killed. The end result was a forced retreat of Australian troops when they realized they could not kill the Emus cost-effectively due to the birds' positioning tactics.
The Kettle War was a brief conflict between the Dutch and the Austrians. There was only one shot fired which hit an Austrian soup kettle. After which the Austrians promptly surrendered.
In 1807, after his victory at Friedland, Napoleon proposed a rabbit hunt to celebrate. He invited the military’s biggest brass and collected a colony of rabbits. Once bunnies were released they didn’t scurry in fright. Instead, they bounded toward him and his men. The attack only ceased after their coach rolled away.
In 1821, Greece was under the control by the Turks. In Greece's fight for independence, a Turkish garrison was besieged by Greek fighters on the Acropolis. When the Turks were running short on bullets, they began to dismantle the marble columns to use the lead within as bullets. The Greeks sent them ammunition with the message: “Here are bullets, don't touch the columns.”
During the 1916 Easter Rising, a battle to end British rule over Ireland, there was an hour-long ceasefire each day to allow the park-keeper of St. Stephen’s Green to feed the swans in the park. This ceasefire, however, didn't stop them from destroying his house, though.
The direct cause of World War 1 was Archduke’s Assassination. What many people don't know is that the initial assassination attempt failed when the bomb blew up the car behind Ferdinand's. The only reason he was assassinated is because one of the terrorists (a Serbian organization called the Black Hand) stopped to buy a sandwich and saw Ferdinand in the store. Also, the man who threw the grenade that blew up the car behind Franz Ferdinand did not know the grenade had a 10-second timer. It gets better. He took the cyanide supplied by the Black Hand to kill himself after the attempt, and it was expired, so he just ended up throwing up a bunch. To "seal the deal" of death, he jumped into a near-by canal that was only two inches deep. It didn't turn out so great for him.
Adolf Hitler took 28 different pills for “agonizing flatulence.” Treatment included cocaine, amphetamines, human placenta, strychnine, and atropine. Violent mood swings, euphoria, attention lapses, and erratic behavior were among the noted side effects. His extreme diet, recurring stomach problems (likely psychosomatic) and reliance on quack drug pushers like Morell made life at his dinner table terrible for his guests.
In 1919 a tank containing 2,300,000 gallons of molasses used to sweeten drinks burst during a heatwave, flooding the streets of Boston with molasses traveling 35 mph killing 21 and injuring 150. The event has been called the Great Molasses Flood and for many decades since, residents have claimed that on hot summer days the area still smelled of molasses.
One of the funniest incidents to happen during the 14th century was the great schism of the Catholic Church. A bunch of cardinals walked into Rome to elect a new pope, and an angry mob declared it will kill all of them if they didn’t elect an Italian pope instead of a French one. An Italian pope was elected. So they returned back to France and elected a French pope to be the new pope. Now there were two popes at the same time, each saying the other one was a phony, splitting up Europe into two religious groups, each ready to use religion as their excuse to annihilate the other. The Catholic Church’s solution was to elect another pope, only for absolutely no one to stand behind him. So now there were three popes, all of them saying the other was illegitimate and all of their followers were going to hell. Finally, the Catholic Church got rid of all the popes and elected a new one, and this time they made sure no angry mobs were there.
In London, in 1814, a vat containing over 610,00 liters of beer ruptured, causing other vats to burst. As a result, more than 1,470,000L of beer burst out into the streets. The London Beer Flood wave destroyed two homes and crumbled the wall of a nearby pub. 8 people died.
Caligula (Roman Emperor) once held a large meeting solely for the purpose to tell the attendants, that if he wanted he can have them all killed. He then dismissed the meeting. He also once waged war against Poseidon. He led 10,000 soldiers to the sea and ordered them to stab it with spears. Another time he marched his entire army towards the English Channel in an effort to invade Britain. Upon arrival to the channel, he decided that he no longer wished to invade Britain so he ordered his men to collect seashells before heading home.
Franklin D. Roosevelt once entered a room unannounced during a visit by Winston Churchill. Churchill happened to be naked (having just stepped out of the bath), and Churchill, being Churchill said: “The Prime Minister of the United Kingdom has nothing to hide from the President of the United States!”
Anal Sampling Mechanism is a reflex which detects the contents of the rectal vault and allows for voluntary flatulence to occur without unexpected voiding of feces. So yeah, there's a nerve in your a*s that lets you fart without sh*tting yourself.
Danish astronomer, alchemist, and nobleman Tycho Brahe lost his nose after challenging another scientist to a duel to settle once and for all whose mathematical formula was better. He wore a metal prosthetic nose for the rest of his life. He also had a pet moose that died when it drank too much beer and fell down a flight of stairs. In 1601, Tycho attended a party during which he held himself from going to the bathroom, subsequently suffered a burst bladder, and died 10 days later.
In the Battle of Crete during WW2, New Zealand’s Maori Battalion was holed up facing a German unit in an orchard. Germans tried to spook them by having their commanders yell out orders to 'fix bayonets' for a bayonet charge. What happened next horrified the Germans. They began to quietly retreat when the Maoris started to cheer (personal close combat was held in great prestige). The Germans decided not to charge and quietly retreated. The name Māori was almost a byword with the British Soldiers. Their continual bayonet charges and the havoc they caused among the Germans with cold steel earned them the name of the ‘Knife Men.’
In the late 1910s, the British Army was looking for Michael Collins to arrest him as he was part of Dáil Eireann (an Irish state Government which the British did not recognize as they did not grant Ireland independence). Collins was the head of intelligence and was in charge of IRA hit squads so he was a priority for the British to find and arrest. You'd think the man would go into hiding somewhere right? Nope, he rode around Dublin city on a bicycle in plain view because the British army had no idea what he looked like.
President Andrew Jackson owned a parrot named Poll whom Jackson himself taught how to swear. When Jackson died Poll was present at his funeral. Poll began to curse so loudly and for so long during his funeral that this wicked bird had to be removed from the service as shocked mourners watched.
During the Victorian Era, “Female Hysteria” was a catchall term for many feelings of malaise, including when a woman was horny. Doctors “treated” the ailment by masturbating the women until they reached “hysterical paroxysm”, or as we call it today, an orgasm. The electric vibrator was the fifth home electronic ever invented. Doctors created vibrators after growing tired of masturbating ‘hysterical’ women. It was then prescribed to women who experienced “hysteria.”
King Pyrrhus of Epirus died in 272 B.C. while fighting an enemy soldier in the streets of Sparta. The soldier's mother, who was watching their battle from a rooftop, threw a tile that hit Pyrrhus in the head and paralyzed him, allowing the soldier to finish him.
Before the invention of the stethoscope, physicians would literally put their ears on chests to auscultate. This led to René Laennec, a French physician, to create the stethoscope because he got too embarrassed to check the heartbeat of a female patient by tapping at her chest. So, he rolled up a sheet of paper to create a tube, and then placed it on her chest. The method worked, and the stethoscope was invented.
Origin of the English national anthem 'God Save the Queen' is not English. It was composed by the French Duchess of Brinon (Grand Dieu sauve le Roi) to celebrate France’s King Louis XIV's healing from anal fistula. At that time the operation was very risky, the operation consisted of opening the infected area (his royal a*s) and giving it a good cleaning. All this had to be done with no anesthesia. George Frideric Handel, a British composer plagiarized the song’s tune having heard it in France with no idea as to why it was written in the first place.
The highest-ranking combat casualty in the US Civil War was General John Sedgwick. He was known for riding among his troops who were dodging a sniper’s shots. He once said “I’m ashamed of you, dodging that way. They couldn’t hit an elephant at this distance,” at which point he was shot in the head and killed.
In 1979 when he was in his fishing boat, U.S. President Jimmy Carter was nearly attacked by an enraged giant swamp rabbit that began swimming toward him. He had to shoo it away. Upon returning to his office, Carter’s staff did not believe his story, insisting that rabbits could not swim, or that they would never approach a person threateningly. The subsequent news articles on the killer rabbit turned out to be incredibly politically damaging.
In the 1300s, some fellows from Modena stole a bucket from Bologna (both in Italy), resulting in a great deal of humiliation for the Bolognese. They declared war, had a battle with around 2,000 casualties (split between both sides) and failed to reclaim the bucket.
During World War 2, a double-agent named Juan Pujol García went by his codename Garbo. Juan was from Spain and had become disgusted by fascism. He wrote letters to the UK and the US saying hey, I’ll spy on Germany for them, but both refused his help. So he went ahead with it without their help. He posed as a Nazi-loving Spanish government official to become a German agent. He was assigned to spy on London, but instead, he went to Lisbon and made up phony reports based on English magazines and newsreels. After a while, the UK realized someone was doing a jolly good job diverting Nazi resources and took him on as a spy. He worked throughout the war, with Germany funding his fake network of imaginary spies. He was responsible for diverting many German troops during the invasion of Normandy. He was also awarded medals by both the Nazis and the Brits for his work.
After World War 2, some tribes in the Pacific islands got their first exposure to “civilization” when US military bases were set up on their islands. The military would bring supplies and food with them which the villagers liked. When the war ended, cults formed that built new runways, mimicked army drills, and even built straw planes to try and bring back the “Gods” that gave them food, medicine, and supplies.
The first medical literature about the enema is in the Egyptian Ebers Papyrus (1550 B.C.). Their enema specialist was named “Shepherd of the Anus”. Their sole job was to keep the royal butthole healthy. There was also a “Keeper of the Royal Rectum” who was the pharaoh’s enema maker. According to Egyptian mythology, the god Thoth invented the enema.
The Dardanelles Operation of 1807 was a fairly minor skirmish during the Napoleonic wars. The Ottomans aligned with the French against Britain and Russia. The British sent a fleet to intimidate the Turks and force them to reopen the strait. As the British fleet sailed towards Constantinople, French engineers worked with the Turkish army to repair and improve shore defenses. Part of this included reactivating a 340-year-old super cannon modeled on the one used in the famed Turkish conquest of Constantinople in the 1400s. This cannon weighed 17 tons and fired stone cannonballs that were two feet in diameter. After meeting little resistance from the Turkish fleet, the British were forced to withdraw after taking heavy damage from the shore batteries, including from the colossal "Dardanelles Gun". So yeah Trebuchets are nice, but can they fire a 360 kg projectile over 2400 meters?
During the First Sino-Japanese War, a Chinese admiral pawned one of the main guns on his flagship to a scrap dealer, in order to pay off some gambling debts. This was the same war where the Empress embezzled from the army to fund her palace renovations.